So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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