I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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