i was born a porn star she said
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
