Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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