Your mouth is God's brothel.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
