At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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