Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
