I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
