dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're like the curious george of whores
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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