wanna go halves on a baby?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
