U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
