RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
