So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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