It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
