didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
