I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Even my vagina gasped.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
