when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
