The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
