What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
