this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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