maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
