Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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