i was born a porn star she said
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
