We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
