There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
