I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
