Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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