Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
