I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
