You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
