So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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