i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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