their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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