why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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