He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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