Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
