Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
