Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
