I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize