is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
