i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
