I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
