who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
