does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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