Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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