I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
