my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just googled if crying burns calories
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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