I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
