member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
