All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
