fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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