i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
