sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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