I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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