fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
