I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please, let me fuck your mom
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
