i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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