I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
