You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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