yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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