saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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