well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
