I feel like abortions should bother me more
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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