meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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