you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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