sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've blown a few things in my day
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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