Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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