If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
