Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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