My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
