Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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