Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
