How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
